He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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