how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
