whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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