You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
