Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
