I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
