i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize