I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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