i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
