Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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