we have officially lost it.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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