But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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