So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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