I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
