I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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