Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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