Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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