my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
