Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
