Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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