did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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