I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
