Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
