I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
