I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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