20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
