your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
