He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
