I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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