i just sent this text using only my big toe
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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