As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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