get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
