he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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