i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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