I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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