So drunk its hurt
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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