how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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