90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
