hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
