I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
