Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
