I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
