I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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