Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
