I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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