im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
