He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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