so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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