My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
