I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
