2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
