Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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