I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
do nipples grow back?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
