So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
