It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
