whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
