I looked at my own cervix.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
