apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
