proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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