i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
