My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
