Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
