It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
