Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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