I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
