Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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